Holding On and Letting Go
by The Little Monster 1024
Summary: After the death of her mother, Kate Beckett takes a trip to Russia where a young, carefree romance starts the beginning of the rest of her life. AU


**Holding On and Letting Go**

**Chapter One**

**AN: This idea was my friend, Ellie's. We rp'd the idea and she gave me permission to turn it into a fic. It's really AU. I hope you guys like it. **

* * *

**May 2000**

"So, Kate," He said, his Russian accent seeping through his English. "What are you doing in Russia?"

She shrugged a little and looked up at him. "Needed to get away. Home isn't where I want to be right now."

He nodded. His brown eyes were warm and understanding, she could feel herself being pulled in, but she couldn't look away. A small smirk blossomed on her face.

"So, Aleksander," She began, bringing her knee up to the bench and turning to face him.

"Alek." He corrected, his eyes holding the same mischievous grin.

"Alek, why are you hanging around the airport when you don't have a flight to catch?"

He moved to face her too, brushing his shaggy dark hair from his face. "Maybe I stick around here to help pretty tourist girls like you who don't know Russian."

"I know Russian!"

"You think you know Russian."

She laughed a little and smacked his knee. "Shut up."

He smiled, Kate noticed how dazzling his smile was. She smiled too and looked down at her luggage. "I should go…get this stuff to my hotel."

"I…I should come with you." He said quickly, standing as she did.

She raised her eyebrow and looked at him.

"You know, in case you get lost…"

She looked him up and down. Local boy just trying to help out a tourist. Yeah, sure. But…he's different. He looked sweet, innocent almost. She bit her lip. "Alright. But you're carrying the big bag."

He smiled that dazzling smile again and she couldn't hide hers. "Where are we going?"

She handed him the address and picked the small bag. "Lead the way."

He smiled, grabbed her larger bag and walked ahead of her. She smiled. Maybe her trip was exactly what she needed.

* * *

**September of 2003**

She liked bookstores. She liked seeing all of the books lined up on the shelves just waiting to be read. She loved walking past her favorite book and seeing someone else pick up from the shelf. She always wondered what they thought. Did they think it was as good as she did? Or did they end up returning it. It was such a weird idea to her, that something she spent hours reading, someone else has too.

Her stepmom liked the library better. She liked sharing the books. She liked holding the old books in her hands. There were only a few books that she owned herself. Just a few that were important to her. She looked at the books as she walked up and down the young adult aisle. What hadn't she read? Everything she could find that she hadn't read looked boring and way too cliché preteen girl for her.

As she moved farther down the aisle, she saw a girl about her age pulling a book off of the shelf. She recognized the cover and the words tumbled out before she could stop them. "That's really good."

The wave of red hair moved and the girl's blue eyes met her own brown ones. "Really?"

She nodded. "It's awesome."

The redhead sat the book into her basket. "Thanks."

"No problem…I'm Zoya."

"I'm Alexis." She said with a smile. "Cool name. It's really unique."

"It's Russian." Her accent was still kind of present.

"Oh cool. Are your parents from Russia?"

Zoya nodded.

"Have you ever been?"

"I lived there until I was six. But I moved here when my little sister was born." She explained. "Oh, so your Mom's American?"

She shook her head. "My stepmom is."

"Oh, Is your stepmom nice? I had one for a while but she was…eh." She shrugged.

Zoya smiled a little. "Mine's really nice."

"That's good."

She nodded.

"So, what books are you into?" Alexis asked.

With that, the two girls fell into a conversation going from _Harry Potter _to _A Series of Unfortunate Events_. They discussed plots and their favorite characters. They laughed and a friendship was born.

After they talked and Alexis picked a book out for her, Zoya looked at her watch. "I should probably go find my stepmom."

Alexis nodded in agreement. "My Dad's probably freaking out."

"Call me when you finish the book, okay? We can talk about them."

Alexis smiled and agreed. The girls exchanged numbers and then parted ways.

Zoya looked around the store for her stepmother and couldn't find her in all the usual places. Kids section, no. Crime novels, no. She was beginning to get worried when she heard the babbling baby talk of her little brother coming from the new release section. She followed his voice until she found them. As she approached, she saw Sofia chewing on her left had with her arm curled around her Mommy's leg as she leaned against her sleepily. Her little brother, AJ, was being bounced a little in his mother's arms. She, however, was flipping through the newest Richard Castle book.

That must've been whys she wanted to come to the bookstore. Richard Castle books were some of the few that she actually bought. She loved them. Zoya remembered one time she even stood in line for a couple hours to get a copy signed.

"Kate?"

Her stepmother looked up and smiled a little at her. "Hey, did you find something?"

Zoya nodded and held up _A Bad Beginning _by: Lemony Snicket. "Can I get this?"

"Sure." She said, dropping the Castle book in Zoya's basket.

"Some girl told me it's good."

"Some girl?"

"Yeah, I met her in the Young Adult section. We're going to call each other when we finish our books"

Kate nodded. "Alright."

Sofia reached up and tugged on Kate's sleeve. She looked down and ran a hand through her dark hair. "What's up, baby girl?"

"Home, Momma." She muttered.

Kate nodded and shifted AJ in her arms. "We'll go home." She fished around in her purse and grabbed her wallet. She handed it to Zoya. "Can you go pay?"

Zoya nodded. "Can I buy some coffee from the café?" She asked, hopefully.

"Coffee? You're nine."

"So? I'm mature for my age."

Kate smiled a little and laughed. "Fine. Just make it quick, okay?"

Zoya beamed and nodded.

"We'll be over at that bench." She said, gesturing to the small bench a few feet away.

Zoya had already taken off for the counter.

Kate walked over to the bench and sat down with a sigh. "You get heavy after a while, little man." She said, smiling down at her little boy who was drooling down his chin. She looked over at her two year old who was struggling to climb onto the bench. Kate put her hand under her bottom and nudged her up. Sofia turned and cuddled up against Kate's side.

She smiled down at her. "Tired?"

"No nap." She said as her little eyes drooped.

Kate chuckled a little. "We'll see, baby. But I think Mommy needs a nap more than you. I worked late last night."

"No nap." She said again, sternly this time. She looked up at her mother.

Kate raised her eyebrow at the little girl. The two year old didn't flinch.

Kate was in for a long day, wasn't she?

* * *

**What did you think? Don't worry, Castle will be in the next chapter. (:**


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